Greetings my darlings. I have been quite absent from the blog for some time. A couple of weeks at most. You'll have to pardon me. I've been quite ill. And... well... I'll just say I've been experiencing rather severe "girl pains" in addition to being ill. And my play finished up.
Quite a busy, draining couple of weeks.
So you know what that means....
Dietary failure.
I've been totally absent from healthful piety. Its sad. Some days I only ate once. Some days, not at all. I'm in that place I normally find myself in when I try to do it healthy. A MegaSlump.
The MegaSlump is a dangerous place for me. Its not like a "slump" where a person maybe falls off for a few days, or a week. Or forgets a little.
The MegaSlump is a total mental failure. I begin to see things as pointless and helpless. And usually I don't just feel discouraged. I DECIDE to give up altogether.
I've been in a MegaSlump for a few days. Ready to call it quits and just remain overweight and unhealthy. I mean, its not like I'm receiving any encouragement. Very few people read this blog honestly...
I don't know why I'm trying so hard. If noone else cares... maybe I shouldn't either...
Oh jeez... it sounds way more depressing on screen...
I'm just tired of constantly failing. And I'm tired of doing it by myself. I need help. I need help. I need help. A swift kick in the shins, so to speak.
Right now, I feel very alone in this battle. And I don't know if I can make it to where I want to be. Atleast not by myself.
This- this is apart of that food demon I mentioned earlier. The fear of true failure. So what do I do?
Well, since Valentine's day, my remedy for everything has been the giant bag of M&M's I've been eating.
I don't know what's coming darlings. But its not good so far.
And this is compounded by the fact that I feel alone; and crowded at the same time. I have no personal sanctuary, except for my food, and the space between my ears when my earbuds are in. I'm like a Frenchman in rural China. And my Cantonese is pretty bad.
Not only am I in a MegaSlump, but I'm back to medicating with food. And eating irregularly. Some days I eat once, some days I eat nothing at all. Today is the first day I've managed six individual meals and I'm pretty sure they were too small. In the past week, I skipped three days without drinking any water at all.
The weather isn't helping. I detest the winter. Since my exercise of choice is jogging outside... it limits things a bit.
I'm also extremely likely to have S.A.D. which turns the winter into a nightmare.
I don't like this place I'm in. But I don't know how to get out of it. And "just making up my mind" isn't working...
Later darlings....
Quite a busy, draining couple of weeks.
So you know what that means....
Dietary failure.
I've been totally absent from healthful piety. Its sad. Some days I only ate once. Some days, not at all. I'm in that place I normally find myself in when I try to do it healthy. A MegaSlump.
The MegaSlump is a dangerous place for me. Its not like a "slump" where a person maybe falls off for a few days, or a week. Or forgets a little.
The MegaSlump is a total mental failure. I begin to see things as pointless and helpless. And usually I don't just feel discouraged. I DECIDE to give up altogether.
I've been in a MegaSlump for a few days. Ready to call it quits and just remain overweight and unhealthy. I mean, its not like I'm receiving any encouragement. Very few people read this blog honestly...
I don't know why I'm trying so hard. If noone else cares... maybe I shouldn't either...
Oh jeez... it sounds way more depressing on screen...
I'm just tired of constantly failing. And I'm tired of doing it by myself. I need help. I need help. I need help. A swift kick in the shins, so to speak.
Right now, I feel very alone in this battle. And I don't know if I can make it to where I want to be. Atleast not by myself.
This- this is apart of that food demon I mentioned earlier. The fear of true failure. So what do I do?
Well, since Valentine's day, my remedy for everything has been the giant bag of M&M's I've been eating.
I don't know what's coming darlings. But its not good so far.
And this is compounded by the fact that I feel alone; and crowded at the same time. I have no personal sanctuary, except for my food, and the space between my ears when my earbuds are in. I'm like a Frenchman in rural China. And my Cantonese is pretty bad.
Not only am I in a MegaSlump, but I'm back to medicating with food. And eating irregularly. Some days I eat once, some days I eat nothing at all. Today is the first day I've managed six individual meals and I'm pretty sure they were too small. In the past week, I skipped three days without drinking any water at all.
The weather isn't helping. I detest the winter. Since my exercise of choice is jogging outside... it limits things a bit.
I'm also extremely likely to have S.A.D. which turns the winter into a nightmare.
I don't like this place I'm in. But I don't know how to get out of it. And "just making up my mind" isn't working...
Later darlings....
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