Today I am going to have an informal visit with the doctor... Probably no more than a mild checkup. But its still an air of gloom and doom.
You walk into this room, strip down to your JohnBrown hindparts, and get poked and prodded by a person that is neither your lover, or family member... That's the average doctor's visit. They blind you with a flashlight and stick lights in your ears. I always imagine light pouring out of the remaining holes in my head cartoon-style. Then the infamous "say ah"... a testament to torture. Because we all know that none of us are ever saying "ahh" good enough or loud enough. You just keep trying until you sound like some Wall-E style robot...
Then they listen to your insides. Lungs. Heart. Belly. Back.... (notice heavier people say "belly" like its a separate entity? Buff people say superfluous things lik "core" or abdomen... showoffs.) What they're listening for, I will never know. I always imagine that I can contort my stomach to play a little ditty...
Scary as it all sounds...
None of these factors are the "why" behind my anxiety... its the disappointment....
First, let me tell you a little bit about my doctor. One word comes to mind: liberal. She is a fun lady, in all seriousness. (Can you be fun in all seriousness?) She's thin, of course, and jewish and energetic, and probably in her forties somewhere. And she is always smiling.
She has been interested in me for as long as I can remember. My whole family actually. She is the only pediatrician I ever knew who wanted to check out a parent.
I remember how I found out she was Jewish...
I asked her once when I was younger "Doc," I said, "is it at all humanly possible to get pregnant without having actual sex?" She replied "well, I heard a story about it happening to a nice jewish girl named Mary once, but I don't think so."
Hilarious....
Anyway, I haven't physically seen her since maaaybe the summer? I can't actually remember. I just know that health-wise, I've been behaving pretty much like an obscene rollercoaster. And although I started January off to a good start... well... we know how that ended. Red sea compounded with Tech week for my play... yikes...
So... I'm afraid of the disappointment that is sure to be lurking under that optimistic smile. Because you can't hide from the facts at the doctors. Can't blame weightgain on broken scales, or pretend that all that fiber has really lowered your cholesterol. You piss in a cup, and the truth is all there in your too-dark urine.
Now... I have every intention of rebooting this February in a good way. And so far I am not off to a bad start. I made the most delicious sandwhich spread (carrots, olives, cream cheese, onion, and some black pepper). I want to change!
But I've said this to her before... so if this visit doesn't reveal some serious differences from last time, I'm going to sound like a broken record. This time really IS different though. Blogging creates a certain level of accountability. If I know you guys are tuning in to check on how I'm doing, or maybe just to laugh at the poor dope who calls herself a "chubbchubb," I'm going to write. And since I'm writing honestly, I'm going to want to do better. Right? Well... that's how I hope it works out anyway...
*a couple hours later*
Well... that's over.... and like I said... you can't hide from the truth. And what's the truth?
I AM FRICKIN McAwesome!!
My blood pressure was 100/60.
That's darn perfect boys and girls!!
(Just a lil informative moment... if your blood pressure is higher than 129 on top and 80 on the bottom... you, my friend, should see a doctor.)
My weight is 236. Which is one pound over my range. I'm usually 230 in the morning, and 235 by the end of the day... so... I haven't really gained any weight! (Its about 4pm my time).
I am so good! And Doc thinks I look slimmer. She would know... she has been checking me out since, like... 1994 or so... over half of my life!
So... my chubb chubbs... just goes to show... hard work does pay off! I can't believe I was so worried.
I guess the lesson today is to trust myself. If I know I am working hard, I need to trust that I will see results. Because that's the best my blood pressure has ever been in my adult life!
This is a sweet moment guys and gals. I think I deserve a yogurt parfait. A lil healthy sweet emotional eating. ;-) (I really am hungry though)...
Tomorrow, I am going to start some kind of workout... and return to my food journaling! This visit was a great motivator for February.
Love you all, my fellow Chubbchubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!
You walk into this room, strip down to your JohnBrown hindparts, and get poked and prodded by a person that is neither your lover, or family member... That's the average doctor's visit. They blind you with a flashlight and stick lights in your ears. I always imagine light pouring out of the remaining holes in my head cartoon-style. Then the infamous "say ah"... a testament to torture. Because we all know that none of us are ever saying "ahh" good enough or loud enough. You just keep trying until you sound like some Wall-E style robot...
Then they listen to your insides. Lungs. Heart. Belly. Back.... (notice heavier people say "belly" like its a separate entity? Buff people say superfluous things lik "core" or abdomen... showoffs.) What they're listening for, I will never know. I always imagine that I can contort my stomach to play a little ditty...
Scary as it all sounds...
None of these factors are the "why" behind my anxiety... its the disappointment....
First, let me tell you a little bit about my doctor. One word comes to mind: liberal. She is a fun lady, in all seriousness. (Can you be fun in all seriousness?) She's thin, of course, and jewish and energetic, and probably in her forties somewhere. And she is always smiling.
She has been interested in me for as long as I can remember. My whole family actually. She is the only pediatrician I ever knew who wanted to check out a parent.
I remember how I found out she was Jewish...
I asked her once when I was younger "Doc," I said, "is it at all humanly possible to get pregnant without having actual sex?" She replied "well, I heard a story about it happening to a nice jewish girl named Mary once, but I don't think so."
Hilarious....
Anyway, I haven't physically seen her since maaaybe the summer? I can't actually remember. I just know that health-wise, I've been behaving pretty much like an obscene rollercoaster. And although I started January off to a good start... well... we know how that ended. Red sea compounded with Tech week for my play... yikes...
So... I'm afraid of the disappointment that is sure to be lurking under that optimistic smile. Because you can't hide from the facts at the doctors. Can't blame weightgain on broken scales, or pretend that all that fiber has really lowered your cholesterol. You piss in a cup, and the truth is all there in your too-dark urine.
Now... I have every intention of rebooting this February in a good way. And so far I am not off to a bad start. I made the most delicious sandwhich spread (carrots, olives, cream cheese, onion, and some black pepper). I want to change!
But I've said this to her before... so if this visit doesn't reveal some serious differences from last time, I'm going to sound like a broken record. This time really IS different though. Blogging creates a certain level of accountability. If I know you guys are tuning in to check on how I'm doing, or maybe just to laugh at the poor dope who calls herself a "chubbchubb," I'm going to write. And since I'm writing honestly, I'm going to want to do better. Right? Well... that's how I hope it works out anyway...
*a couple hours later*
Well... that's over.... and like I said... you can't hide from the truth. And what's the truth?
I AM FRICKIN McAwesome!!
My blood pressure was 100/60.
That's darn perfect boys and girls!!
(Just a lil informative moment... if your blood pressure is higher than 129 on top and 80 on the bottom... you, my friend, should see a doctor.)
My weight is 236. Which is one pound over my range. I'm usually 230 in the morning, and 235 by the end of the day... so... I haven't really gained any weight! (Its about 4pm my time).
I am so good! And Doc thinks I look slimmer. She would know... she has been checking me out since, like... 1994 or so... over half of my life!
So... my chubb chubbs... just goes to show... hard work does pay off! I can't believe I was so worried.
I guess the lesson today is to trust myself. If I know I am working hard, I need to trust that I will see results. Because that's the best my blood pressure has ever been in my adult life!
This is a sweet moment guys and gals. I think I deserve a yogurt parfait. A lil healthy sweet emotional eating. ;-) (I really am hungry though)...
Tomorrow, I am going to start some kind of workout... and return to my food journaling! This visit was a great motivator for February.
Love you all, my fellow Chubbchubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!
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