I know we shouldn't judge others. But sometimes, you have to take a step back and review your immediate circle. Your friends should always uplift you and better you. But sometimes they just drag you down.
I have a little story for you. It's pretty true, except the names, of course, have been changed.
When I was in college, I knew two young ladies who were roommates. One was thick and curvy, a true chubbchubb, and the other was slim. Both had a habit of eating whatever they wanted.
We will call our Chubbchubb Diva 'Megan'. And her slim roommate is 'Kim.'
Our friend Megan knew she was reaching an unhealthy weight. She loved greasy, fatty foods, and it was taking its toll on her health. So, she decided to make a change and try to eat healthier. It was a beautiful time in her life, trying to do better. She made certain food switches, tried to go walking regularly. Progress was had...
Until the Skinny Witch of the West put her two cents in. Now, this is not a real stab at Kim's moral character, so much as a highlight of her insensitivity to the moment. Kim had always been smaller. She had no idea what it was like to even contemplate being called... fat... *ominous music plays*
At lunch, Kim would make comments like "Is that all you're going to eat," in reference to Megan's green, leafy salads and baked chicken. And silently, Megan fumed... poor girl.
Which brings me to my first point.
When it comes to weight loss, I hate my 'skinny' friends.
Now, understand, I'm not referring to those svelte Divas who absolutely have to work tremendously hard to keep their bodies fit. I am referring to those 'skinny-minded' girls who have been small forever, and blind to people's issues with weight. If you don't know who I am talking about... check your arm. If there's no extra jiggle to grab, and you don't have any 'skinny-minded' friends... it just might be you...
Now, some people might say... "I can't help being this small." And that's true enough. Genetics leaves us all the victims of all kinds of physiques. But just as a racial or religious majority (or power) should humble themselves in the place of minorities, so too should the naturally skinny of the world be more sensitive to the plight of the heavy.
'Skinny' friends are a detriment to the weightloss struggle. They love you, of course. But, they don't have any compassion for what you go through. And they are absolutely the worst people to workout/eat/buy clothes with. You spend so much time comparing yourself to them and their impossibly small waists, (Whose waist is that freaking small? Come on!) that you miss your own wonderful progress. Because it never measures up to what she has. And then that faithful moment comes... she makes some slight reference to some weight she gained, and you suddenly find yourself explaining to the officer that you don't know how your fingers ended up around her neck...
Then you snap out of the daydream, sigh, and munch angrily on your celery stick... or your oreo cookie... depending on your resiliency.
If you have 'skinny minded' friends who make those uncomfortable comments about your process, don't lose it. Sit them down and explain what its like for you. And what you need from them as a friend.
Now... I also have some fat friends. And I don't mean my fellow chubbchubb divas- those beautiful women who just happen to be bigger. I mean those big women who live life like food is their only pleasure. And can't stand other people's weight loss success. Or worse, have the willpower of a hungry tiger let loose at fat camp....
I have an... associate... we will call her Tonya. And Tonya is a big girl. In my opinion, she is also very beautiful. But that girl is obsessed with weight. When people eat healthy around her, she always gives off these exclamations of "I'm fat. I need some grease, or salt, or something." I once offered Tonya some of my delicious salad and she said "Oh you think I'm fat."
...never mind, crazy.... more for me...
Tonya is off putting because she always makes a situation about her weight. And she does it about other people's weight too. She told me, ME... "you move pretty well for a big girl." I looked at her and said "honey I move well for any girl." I'm a dancer! And being a wonderful plussized Diva doesn't keep me from moving to the beat. I've been big all my life. And nobody ever told me that meant I couldn't be light on my feet...
But Tonya was projecting her insecurities on to me. Or... trying to...
And that's my second point. My "fat friends" can only see their lives as "fat" girls. Their weight is their first thought. And worse, they let it hold them back. Then eventually they try to hold others back. You know the type. You decide to go walking everyday, and she's there with her negativity. "You might as well give up. You know you'd rather be (enter sedentary, mindless activity here).
This is another one you consider interlacing your fingers around... just above the shoulders....
But you don't do it... that would be wrong...
....wrong....
This kind of friend is another issue, and unfortunately, unlike the skinny friend, her conflict with your process usually doesn't stem from a lack of understanding. It stems from her insecurities with her own shape. So she's a harder friend to address. Of course, you can still talk to her. But in the end, if she doesn't change, you may have to just tune her out during her "fatty" moments...
So... what kind of friend should you have? Not skinny. Not fat. A Beyonce... lol.
But seriously, Bey isn't that far off. She is both a hardworking athlete, and a person who struggles openly with her desire to eat sugary snacks. In other words, she has balance, leaning a little more toward success, than failure. And that's the kind of woman you need supporting you in this adventure. The kind that will go running (um... I don't run... so of course, in my head, we're walking briskly) with you ,AND relate to your desire for Ben & Jerry's Chunky Munky. But, being a good friend, she'll serve you up some strawberries and light whipped topping instead. Yeah... get yourself THAT kind of friend.
Til, next time...
Smooches Divas! (And all my wonderful Princes)
Food is good. But Life is delish.
P.s.
Tell me about your skinny/fat friend experiences.
Xoxo.
posted from Bloggeroid
