GroupLove

Let me begin by saying this is not about an orgy.


Yesterday I had my first meeting of a health-change support group.
I say health-change, because I  find it more important to focus on changing one's health status, than obsessing over a number.

It was an amazing meeting. I decided to start one because I do better when people are in on it. That's right. I thrive on accountability! I dont mind health food, or excercise, but I wont keep doing either for very long. I have discovered that motivation is my biggest problem.

Imagine that...

One of the new group members discussed how she might get grouchy during the process; that her attitude towards a necessary change was one of being burdened. She felt like it was a burden to have to make changes for her health. I wondered on this, as I am sure she is not the only person who hates eating better and excercising.

I mean, let's face it... there are alot of people who hate excercising. Excercise-haters of the world unite!
Strangely enough, alot of these same people can intellectualize the process completely.

wait, wait, wait... what am I saying?

I think thats untrue.


I mean, I am sure that there are a lot of people out there who have been unsuccessful in making permanent changes, who can list the process, or explain successful methods. I think I belong to that group. However, I question if those individuals.... us individuals.... can truly conceptualize what it will take, or what may happen if we don't.

For example. I am well aware that if I walked for three hours every day, and reduced my caloric intake, that I would see significant results very soon. But, i don't do it. Why? Well, my theory is that I haven't fully conceptualized what it would require from me mentally. I would first have to re-wire my brain to be more motivated, more disciplined, less likely to give in to the idea of "i-don't-want-to." I would have to learn to accept pain (soreness), as necessary. I would have to dissolve the idea that feeling "full" all the time is a good thing.

Trust me...knowing you have to give up that feeling of being "stuffed" is not the same as giving it up.




So.. I don't think us so-called  intellectuals are truly grasping it at all. I think we may have a very basic understanding which gets us to the starting line. But we still have  a ways to go to truly "get it."


Either way, I am very excited by my new group. Its all women, and very local. So far its only day one, but I think that having others to lean on will be provide alot of strength when I am weak.

check in with me in a week.

baby steps!!!

Til, next time...
Smooches Divas! (And all my wonderful Princes)
Food is good. But Life is delish.

Just an update

So, its October, and instead of losing weight, I've gained some. But to be perfectly honest, I don't care right this minute. Ask me again in three months...

I am well aware that my body is going through all sorts of changes right now. I had to start birth control for the Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. And I can tell that it'd making weird decisions on my insides. Bah. Humbug.

On the up and up, and am committed to being physical every other day, for atleast an hour if I am walking or jogging, and maybe thirty minutes if its intense cardio. This is a good step for me, because I think every other day is more realistic, considering my crazy busy schedule.

I have also determined not to eat past 8:30pm. Although I really usually don't eat past 7:30, just out of habit. I am nervous, however as to what effect the BC is having on my appetite.

That's about all with me. I have joined a website called Peertrainer. Maybe that will help me out with accountability. Maybe... it is not the same as being accountable in person, but it's a start.


Oh! And I have cut down on breads. I think I eat bread maybe once a week now. Mostly just meat and greens these days. I am about to cut down the meat too. Down, not out... I'm no vegetarian.


Until next time.
Ciao.

Where the heck have i been?

I have somehow neglected my poor blog, my darling chubbchubbs! My apologies.

Many things have happened over these several months....
Including weight-gain unfortunately. I had a really fun summer job with the Freedom Schools, I moved out of my grandmother's apartment, and now live on my own, I got a car, a beau, and a premature quarter-life crisis, all in one summer. Meanwhile, i comforted my stress, and celebrated my successes with food. The result? ....drumroll...



249.1 lbs.

My last weigh in as of Sember 15th, of this year.
A weigh-in and one of those life-changing announcements....

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

What the heck does this mean for me? Well, it certainly explains alot. Including an interesting tidbit from my doctor. "People with PCOS dont metabolize well." "Meaning?" "Meaning you have to work alot harder than other people to stay on top of your weight."
Joy...
Although believe it or not, I am actually glad to finally have this understanding of how my body works. It doesnt give me any excuse to not work hard, or to take it easy on myself, but it is some comfort in understanding why certain attempts at weightloss have left me without any significant results.

So, how does the PCOS affect my weightloss journey? Here are a few ways.
-Like the doctor said, my body doesn't metabolize well.
-Im more prone to insulin resistance, which can lead to diabetes if im not careful (no worries so far, lovelies! she said my blood sugar was good!)
-Im more prone to high blood pressure and high cholesterol (neither of which is the case right now)
-Weight gain is more likely to be in the midsection. (wtf? a little hip/butt action would be much nicer)
-Certain hormones that my body makes too much of most likely have increased my muscle mass, and can trigger the depression (makes sense, if we review most of my life since puberty)

This is all pretty annoying stuff. But like I said, it was mildly liberating to discover, as it allows me to make different decisions. The "lead to diabetes" thing freaks me out. I have good blood sugar levels now, but if I have to work harder to keep it that way, I might have to all but say goodbye to my friend Sugar. Diabetes is extremely high on my list of "major no-no's." I am absolutely determined not to end up that way.

The good news is that it re-sparked a fire under my butt! Since I got the news, I have gone to the track every morning with my dear Granny. Dont let the "dear" mislead you. She is an Amazonian Warrior woman. Besides being six feet tall, she is able bodied to boot! And we go to the track every morning. Right now, it's just walking. Slackers cant just pick up and run. And I have been one monstrous slacker! All summer, besides my energetic job, I did not make one move toward working out... I also had a major illness (which led to the discovery of the PCOS), and I'm almost certain some of the weight gain came from there. So, for now, I walk. In a week or two, I will pick up the pace and try jogging.

Baby steps, after all...

So, thank you, my darlings, for enduring my absence. I pray that you all are still with me in this journey.

Til, next time...
Smooches Divas! (And all my wonderful Princes)
Food is good. But Life is delish.

Skinny friends. Fat friends. They all piss me off...

I know we shouldn't judge others. But sometimes, you have to take a step back and review your immediate circle. Your friends should always uplift you and better you. But sometimes they just drag you down.

I have a little story for you. It's pretty true, except the names, of course, have been changed.

When I was in college, I knew two young ladies who were roommates. One was thick and curvy, a true chubbchubb, and the other was slim. Both had a habit of eating whatever they wanted.
We will call our Chubbchubb Diva 'Megan'. And her slim roommate is 'Kim.'

Our friend Megan knew she was reaching an unhealthy weight. She loved greasy, fatty foods, and it was taking its toll on her health. So, she decided to make a change and try to eat healthier. It was a beautiful time in her life, trying to do better. She made certain food switches, tried to go walking regularly. Progress was had...

Until the Skinny Witch of the West put her two cents in. Now, this is not a real stab at Kim's moral character, so much as a highlight of her insensitivity to the moment. Kim had always been smaller. She had no idea what it was like to even contemplate being called... fat... *ominous music plays*
At lunch, Kim would make comments like "Is that all you're going to eat," in reference to Megan's green, leafy salads and baked chicken. And silently, Megan fumed... poor girl.

Which brings me to my first point.
When it comes to weight loss, I hate my 'skinny' friends.
Now, understand, I'm not referring to those svelte Divas who absolutely have to work tremendously hard to keep their bodies fit. I am referring to those 'skinny-minded' girls who have been small forever, and blind to people's issues with weight. If you don't know who I am talking about... check your arm. If there's no extra jiggle to grab, and you don't have any 'skinny-minded' friends... it just might be you...

Now, some people might say... "I can't help being this small." And that's true enough. Genetics leaves us all the victims of all kinds of physiques. But just as a racial or religious majority (or power) should humble themselves in the place of minorities, so too should the naturally skinny of the world be more sensitive to the plight of the heavy.

'Skinny' friends are a detriment to the weightloss struggle. They love you, of course. But, they don't have any compassion for what you go through. And they are absolutely the worst people to workout/eat/buy clothes with. You spend so much time comparing yourself to them and their impossibly small waists, (Whose waist is that freaking small? Come on!) that you miss your own wonderful progress. Because it never measures up to what she has. And then that faithful moment comes... she makes some slight reference to some weight she gained, and you suddenly find yourself explaining to the officer that you don't know how your fingers ended up around her neck...

Then you snap out of the daydream, sigh, and munch angrily on your celery stick... or your oreo cookie... depending on your resiliency.


If you have 'skinny minded' friends who make those uncomfortable comments about your process, don't lose it. Sit them down and explain what its like for you. And what you need from them as a friend.

Now... I also have some fat friends. And I don't mean my fellow chubbchubb divas- those beautiful women who just happen to be bigger. I mean those big women who live life like food is their only pleasure. And can't stand other people's weight loss success. Or worse, have the willpower of a hungry tiger let loose at fat camp....

I have an... associate... we will call her Tonya. And Tonya is a big girl. In my opinion, she is also very beautiful. But that girl is obsessed with weight. When people eat healthy around her, she always gives off these exclamations of "I'm fat. I need some grease, or salt, or something." I once offered Tonya some of my delicious salad and she said "Oh you think I'm fat."

...never mind, crazy.... more for me...

Tonya is off putting because she always makes a situation about her weight. And she does it about other people's weight too. She told me, ME... "you move pretty well for a big girl." I looked at her and said "honey I move well for any girl." I'm a dancer! And being a wonderful plussized Diva doesn't keep me from moving to the beat. I've been big all my life. And nobody ever told me that meant I couldn't be light on my feet...
But Tonya was projecting her insecurities on to me. Or... trying to...

And that's my second point. My "fat friends" can only see their lives as "fat" girls. Their weight is their first thought. And worse, they let it hold them back. Then eventually they try to hold others back. You know the type. You decide to go walking everyday, and she's there with her negativity. "You might as well give up. You know you'd rather be (enter sedentary, mindless activity here).

This is another one you consider interlacing your fingers around... just above the shoulders....

But you don't do it... that would be wrong...
....wrong....

This kind of friend is another issue, and unfortunately, unlike the skinny friend, her conflict with your process usually doesn't stem from a lack of understanding. It stems from her insecurities with her own shape. So she's a harder friend to address. Of course, you can still talk to her. But in the end, if she doesn't change, you may have to just tune her out during her "fatty" moments...

So... what kind of friend should you have? Not skinny. Not fat. A Beyonce... lol.

But seriously, Bey isn't that far off. She is both a hardworking athlete, and a person who struggles openly with her desire to eat sugary snacks. In other words, she has balance, leaning a little more toward success, than failure. And that's the kind of woman you need supporting you in this adventure. The kind that will go running (um... I don't run... so of course, in my head, we're walking briskly) with you ,AND relate to your desire for Ben & Jerry's Chunky Munky. But, being a good friend, she'll serve you up some strawberries and light whipped topping instead. Yeah... get yourself THAT kind of friend.

Til, next time...
Smooches Divas! (And all my wonderful Princes)
Food is good. But Life is delish.


P.s.
Tell me about your skinny/fat friend experiences.
Xoxo.

posted from Bloggeroid

I'm baaaaack!!!

Hello all. I have been on a sort of blogging hiatus. I have also been gone traveling 17 days out of 24 last month. Phew! Nothing like a few trips to make you reevaluate your health plan.

I'd like to take a moment to give you all an update. While I have no idea how much I weigh, I have made an attempt tp stop eating after 7pm, regardless of how much I've eaten. This has been approximately 89% successful, which I'm pleased with for now.

Listed below is a link to an article that I hope will be very helpful to myself, and all you wonderful readers. http://www.naturalnews.com/003550.html

I've also come to terms with a certain reality... I am going o feel hungry sometimes. It is a natural fact. I can pretend its untrue or I can accept the mathematics of it. To lose weight, I must excercise and consume less calories. In consuming less calories than I am used to, my body will feel confused and respond with ghrelin (the hunger hormone) to try and maintain my current calorie count. But I can't maintain my current calorie count.

So far, this blogging thing as been a reason to find someone to hold me accountable for what I am doing. Then it became a chore. Now, its a task. A challenge. Both to give you all something worthwhile, and to see it through. My health and my words.
So... I'm back my darlings.

New start, and new saying, my chubbchubbs.

Food is good, but Life is delish.

posted from Bloggeroid

posted from Bloggeroid

Solid as a Rock.... or not...

So....
My last post was way less than happy. I had a little breakdown. But... I'm back at it again. I started March off with workouts and decent eating. (Yes, I found a doable workout!!! Woohoo!) In about a week, I'm heading back to my alma mater to handle some business. So, for these two weeks, I've been regrouping- centering my mind, and my body. I'd given myself a little two week challenge. It started Saturday evening. I am on a mainly liquid diet. Smoothies. Soups. Juices. And two weeks.

Another new development? I've got a little support system going on. None too close, mostly long distance. But it's a couple of people who are willing to give a bit of encouragement...

So, how's this liquid thing going? Well, pretty good. I've had a bite or two of solid food, but I've been pretty good at sticking to it. I've changed from 6meals to 7, since they're liquid, and I'm getting up earlier these days.

And I miss chicken.

You have no idea. I was googling "meat smoothies" to see if there was some recipe for liquid meat substance that wouldn't be gross.....


Why? Well.... honestly.... I like challenges. I do better when I have a controllable goal. Lose twenty pounds? Not exactly in my control. Drink liquid for two weeks? I can do that. Its a good goal to reset, and rededicate my brain for the challenges I am facing in this weightloss journey. It's also a chance to give my digestive system a break, reduce caloric intake, and infuse my body with all sorts of nutrients.

So... we'll see how it goes, my loves.
Today, I have a mild ache that is trying to turn into a headache. I don't know if that's from a lack of solid food or not... I hope it goes away in a few days...


We will see...

Love you all my fellow Chubbchubbs! Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter.

posted from Bloggeroid

MegaSlump

Greetings my darlings. I have been quite absent from the blog for some time. A couple of weeks at most. You'll have to pardon me. I've been quite ill. And... well... I'll just say I've been experiencing rather severe "girl pains" in addition to being ill. And my play finished up.


Quite a busy, draining couple of weeks.
So you know what that means....

Dietary failure.

I've been totally absent from healthful piety. Its sad. Some days I only ate once. Some days, not at all. I'm in that place I normally find myself in when I try to do it healthy. A MegaSlump.

The MegaSlump is a dangerous place for me. Its not like a "slump" where a person maybe falls off for a few days, or a week. Or forgets a little.

The MegaSlump is a total mental failure. I begin to see things as pointless and helpless. And usually I don't just feel discouraged. I DECIDE to give up altogether.

I've been in a MegaSlump for a few days. Ready to call it quits and just remain overweight and unhealthy. I mean, its not like I'm receiving any encouragement. Very few people read this blog honestly...

I don't know why I'm trying so hard. If noone else cares... maybe I shouldn't either...


Oh jeez... it sounds way more depressing on screen...

I'm just tired of constantly failing. And I'm tired of doing it by myself. I need help. I need help. I need help. A swift kick in the shins, so to speak.

Right now, I feel very alone in this battle. And I don't know if I can make it to where I want to be. Atleast not by myself.

This- this is apart of that food demon I mentioned earlier. The fear of true failure. So what do I do?

Well, since Valentine's day, my remedy for everything has been the giant bag of M&M's I've been eating.

I don't know what's coming darlings. But its not good so far.

And this is compounded by the fact that I feel alone; and crowded at the same time. I have no personal sanctuary, except for my food, and the space between my ears when my earbuds are in. I'm like a Frenchman in rural China. And my Cantonese is pretty bad.

Not only am I in a MegaSlump, but I'm back to medicating with food. And eating irregularly. Some days I eat once, some days I eat nothing at all. Today is the first day I've managed six individual meals and I'm pretty sure they were too small. In the past week, I skipped three days without drinking any water at all.

The weather isn't helping. I detest the winter. Since my exercise of choice is jogging outside... it limits things a bit.

I'm also extremely likely to have S.A.D. which turns the winter into a nightmare.

I don't like this place I'm in. But I don't know how to get out of it. And "just making up my mind" isn't working...

Later darlings....

A bad feeling....

Today, my chubbchubbs, is a bad day.... or rather, its a bad evening. This is a journal entry based in irrationality and angry emotion....

Just thought I'd warn you.

Why is it irrational? Because any normal person who could look at the bigger picture, wouldn't be so upset. But when you are a little perfectionist like me, its the *little* things that irk the crap out of you....

The bigger picture is this: I had a great day at work, and my actresses performed grandly during this evening's performance.

Here's the minute details that are on the verge of sending me to tears: my skirt split, then I ripped off the button on my shirt, I left my headphones, (which means I cannot zone out musically while my mother is studying) and after working out so hard yesterday that my whole body is sore above the bellybutton, I am actually heavier. Oh yeah... the weather is crappy, and might be affecting my headaches.

And then there are my mom's interjections of dialogue with the computer lecture recording she is listening to. Grr...
Again... no headphones...

I get annoyed very deeply when intricate things go wrong, one right after the other. It burns in my chest, like an out-of-control flame, threatening to make me cry.

I don't do crying...

So, as a response to my refusal to cry, my body converts my sad annoyance to anger. Edgy, irritated, anger... the kind that slams drawers and then says "nothing is wrong."

Usually, my healthy outlet is to listen to music to calm down. But... there's no music remember? No headphones.

So what happened?

The half of a Hershey bar sitting in my purse began to call me. And call me. And call me. Loud pounding ringing in my head.
So I answered. I unwrapped and devoured the rest of the candy bar, violently and hatefully; waiting for the euphoric cocoa chemicals to kick into my neurotransmitters and calm me down.

And they did momentarily. The chocolate calmed me down from the strange mixture of fury and tears lurkin beneath my quiet demeanor. But the anger remained. The frustration remained. I was literally afraid to move or interact with my family because I knew that if I said too much, I would sound irritated, or say the wrong thing in spite. So I just laid out on the couch, curled up in a ball, with my back to the room. It was the safest thing I could think to do.

And then I felt the guilt of scarfing down half of a huge frickin hershey bar. That's like... 10 rectangles.

Remember the cupcake demons? There are Hershey demons too. And they just whisper to you. Like a alchy-smelling old friend whose drunkenness insures that they put their snoshy wet lips a little too close to your ear.
"Good job kiddo."
"Look at you. Another food binge."
"You're never going to beat this thing."


That Demon is called Defeatist Guilt. He just makes you feel worse about what you're doing, and simultaneously encourages you to give up trying to do better.
Then the tears brim up again, but I already told you. I don't do the tears if I can help it.

So, why the dark emotion?

I have clinical depression.

And why the separate, removed analysis of what is ocurring?

Because that's how my analytical brain works. I always somehow manage to experience emotion and yet simultaneously remove myself to a bird's eye view type of dissection. Its strange and mildly annoying. No, seriously. Its bad enough to go through the pain. I don't need a mental play-by-play of what's going on, and where it stems from psychologically.

But I do it anyway... I'm not sure how NOT to. Its a natural thing my brain does. Analyze, question, critique, criticize, breakdown, wonder, play out scenarios. All the time. All. The. Time.

Funny thing is, I think this adds to my depression. And its exhausting. Its EXHAUSTING. When the mind runs sixty miles per hour, its tired before you speak your first sentence of the day. Seriously. Mentally, I get drained very quickly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That was last night...

Today I awake to find myself much calmer, but still a convict of last night's actions. Remember how I said I was afraid to interact with my family? Well, I did have one small interaction, and it turned into the squabble of the morning.

And its a bit like Jekyll and Hide. The Doc always had to pay for the sins of Mr. Hide, even if he didn't quite understand what happened. (You know, I once was asked out by a guy who didn't know who Jekyll and Hide were.... courtship ended shortly after...)

So... its a *fantastic* start to my already tiresome day. And I'm still resisting the urge to wolf down whatever piece of sugary goodness comes my way.

And there's present anxiety. But its more subdued than the electric stormcloud that was billowing in my chest last night.
But I don't see this day coming out Sunny.

I just have to try very hard to steer myself away from cookies and cakes....


***
Fyi... it didn't work out. I had two cookies, some Hostess donuts, and two cupcakes....

Ah well, my lovelies... no one said I was perfect....

Love you all, my fellow Chubbchubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!

Water, water, Everywhere...

Good day Chubbchubbs.
February is off to an okayish start. (Yes I am aware that 'okayish' is not a word)
I've added a bunch of helpful apps to my phone. I love apps. Love them... I might be addicted...
I know my mom is addicted to one of them- the 'angry birds' game.... she REALLY loves it.

If you don't know what Angry Birds is, do yourself a favor. Play a game or two. Green pigs and exploding P-O'd birds...

As I was saying...
Android has a great group of apps! And though I may have a mild addiction to apps, I really have found some great ones. A diet tracker(food journal), a pushup sergeant, some pilates moves, a weight progress tracker, etc... there's even an alarm that tells me to eat (six small meals a day, remember?). And if you are hyper busy, like me, or hyper ADHD like... well... I won't mention names... having reminders for those types of important things is great!

However, there IS an app that is becoming a nemesis of mine. It also sets off alarms to remind me of something...

Its the water-drinking app...

There is a funny little app that reminds me to drink water. I did a bunch of tests, and based on my weight (234.6 today) and activity and climate, and blah,blah,blah... I am supposed to drink 17 cups of water... but its winter, and I am not sweating, so I'm going for 16 cups.

So... this lil app does two things. It keeps track of how many cups of water I drink, and it sends me little reminders.

It also does a third thing... it taunts me...

Now, I'm smart enough to know that not all my water has to come in crystal clear H2O format. It can also come from foods I eat, like soup, watermelon, fruits, etc. But still.... 16 cups is a lot of frickin water!!!
And usually, I like drinking water... but my body... it's just upset.

Yesterday was my first attempt at consuming 16 cups of water. I got to 15. That's alotta trips to the faucet.
A bajillion drip, drip, drips...


Ugh... so... yesterday was comical, at the very least. After my 6th cup, I felt full. Just too %$*# full... I was drinking a lot like this during the summer, but I hadn't been lately. My poor lil belly felt so stretched out!

The weird thing about drinking water is that you THINK you are going to feel bloated-because of what everyone says about water-weight. But evidently it doesn't work that way.

Here's how it actually works.

Let's start with a bloated white guy. We'll name him Randy...



See Randy? He thinks he's sexy... that's not sexy.
Anyway, Randy, besides being heavy, also has a huge gut from being bloated. And most of that bloating is water. Why is Randy bloated? Well... he probably doesn't drink enough water. So he, like most of us, suffers from dehydration. Its very common. Lots of Americans experience mild to moderate dehydration and never even know. They think they're SUPPOSED to feel the way they do.

I'm saying "they" so you don't feel bad, but chances are, you too are amongst the many.

So back to Randy's bloat...
When the body is even slightly dehydrated, it sucks whatever water is available, into the fat cells, to store it. Survival mode. And the fat cells swell... then you have. Ta-daa! Bloat.

So... drinking MORE water actually tells the body it can release the excess water in the fat...

Who knew?

Good luck Randy.

Now back to me.

I'm not so much concerned with bloating. I do that once a month without drinking water. Joys of womanhood...

However, it takes the body awhile to get used to constantly flushing out water. So until my body regulates, guess where I'll be spending quite a bit of time...

Well, my niece calls it... "the potty." The toilet. The can. The porcelain throne, the whizzbucket, the- ok I'm done.

Yep. Lots of trips to flush city. (Had to get one more out)

And don't be like me, in scenarios where there's no bathroom available and you wait, and wait, and wait, wiggling around like some sort of 1950's American Bandstand dancer


Its not pleasant.
I felt bad, because I almost bumrushed this small child to go. Well, I say almost. I hope I didn't get the child. I didn't stick around long enough to see after a bathroom free'd up.




Having to go to the bathroom turns you into a lethal person. It brings out the worst in you, I'm telling the truth! And guys... don't leave them near an empty container...


And WHY is it that they can pee anywhere and we can't? If we pee in the woods, we're wild women. They're just "roughing it."

Bah. Hum. Bug.

Well... I know my body will calm down and regulate after awhile. And I look forward to that. Because when I drink a lot of water, good things do happen. I eat less, my skin clears up, and drinking cold water burns a TON of calories. So, although I feel like a sponge right now, (soak it up, squeeze it out) I know it'll pay off soon.... I hope...

Til then, if u need me, I'll be in the restroom.

Love you all, my fellow Chubbchubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter.

Open up and say "ahh"

Today I am going to have an informal visit with the doctor... Probably no more than a mild checkup. But its still an air of gloom and doom.

You walk into this room, strip down to your JohnBrown hindparts, and get poked and prodded by a person that is neither your lover, or family member... That's the average doctor's visit. They blind you with a flashlight and stick lights in your ears. I always imagine light pouring out of the remaining holes in my head cartoon-style. Then the infamous "say ah"... a testament to torture. Because we all know that none of us are ever saying "ahh" good enough or loud enough. You just keep trying until you sound like some Wall-E style robot...


Then they listen to your insides. Lungs. Heart. Belly. Back.... (notice heavier people say "belly" like its a separate entity? Buff people say superfluous things lik "core" or abdomen... showoffs.) What they're listening for, I will never know. I always imagine that I can contort my stomach to play a little ditty...





Scary as it all sounds...

None of these factors are the "why" behind my anxiety... its the disappointment....

First, let me tell you a little bit about my doctor. One word comes to mind: liberal. She is a fun lady, in all seriousness. (Can you be fun in all seriousness?) She's thin, of course, and jewish and energetic, and probably in her forties somewhere. And she is always smiling.

She has been interested in me for as long as I can remember. My whole family actually. She is the only pediatrician I ever knew who wanted to check out a parent.

I remember how I found out she was Jewish...
I asked her once when I was younger "Doc," I said, "is it at all humanly possible to get pregnant without having actual sex?" She replied "well, I heard a story about it happening to a nice jewish girl named Mary once, but I don't think so."

Hilarious....

Anyway, I haven't physically seen her since maaaybe the summer? I can't actually remember. I just know that health-wise, I've been behaving pretty much like an obscene rollercoaster. And although I started January off to a good start... well... we know how that ended. Red sea compounded with Tech week for my play... yikes...

So... I'm afraid of the disappointment that is sure to be lurking under that optimistic smile. Because you can't hide from the facts at the doctors. Can't blame weightgain on broken scales, or pretend that all that fiber has really lowered your cholesterol. You piss in a cup, and the truth is all there in your too-dark urine.

Now... I have every intention of rebooting this February in a good way. And so far I am not off to a bad start. I made the most delicious sandwhich spread (carrots, olives, cream cheese, onion, and some black pepper). I want to change!

But I've said this to her before... so if this visit doesn't reveal some serious differences from last time, I'm going to sound like a broken record. This time really IS different though. Blogging creates a certain level of accountability. If I know you guys are tuning in to check on how I'm doing, or maybe just to laugh at the poor dope who calls herself a "chubbchubb," I'm going to write. And since I'm writing honestly, I'm going to want to do better. Right? Well... that's how I hope it works out anyway...



*a couple hours later*

Well... that's over.... and like I said... you can't hide from the truth. And what's the truth?

I AM FRICKIN McAwesome!!
My blood pressure was 100/60.
That's darn perfect boys and girls!!
(Just a lil informative moment... if your blood pressure is higher than 129 on top and 80 on the bottom... you, my friend, should see a doctor.)

My weight is 236. Which is one pound over my range. I'm usually 230 in the morning, and 235 by the end of the day... so... I haven't really gained any weight! (Its about 4pm my time).

I am so good! And Doc thinks I look slimmer. She would know... she has been checking me out since, like... 1994 or so... over half of my life!

So... my chubb chubbs... just goes to show... hard work does pay off! I can't believe I was so worried.

I guess the lesson today is to trust myself. If I know I am working hard, I need to trust that I will see results. Because that's the best my blood pressure has ever been in my adult life!

This is a sweet moment guys and gals. I think I deserve a yogurt parfait. A lil healthy sweet emotional eating. ;-) (I really am hungry though)...

Tomorrow, I am going to start some kind of workout... and return to my food journaling! This visit was a great motivator for February.

Love you all, my fellow Chubbchubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!

The Bandwagon and the lifeboat

For the past few days, I have been swimming in the sea... and since I live in Ohio, and all we have is a lake, it's probably safe to assume that my swimming is metaphorical. I mean the red sea. The one women avoid like the plague, and then get helplessly plunged into every month like the flight of the lemmings...
I don't know a single woman that enjoys that time of the month. I know a few who are always greeting it in relief- glad to have escaped the reproductive grind once again...

But anyway, I find myself thrown into the despot of bloody madness and craving things.... sweet things... sugary sweet things.

This past week I hopped on the bandwagon... and gave into bad eating habits...

It all started with tech week of my play... for those of you who don't know, tech week of any play is commonly referred to as "hell week." Its when all the intricacies, including light cues and set changes, become cemented. It is a week of tense nerves, irregular hectic schedules, and laaaate hours. Needless to say, tech week is not a good week for someone who is still trying to get the hang of healthy and regular eating and rest.

This, coupled with the onset of RED DOOM and cravings, and topped off with opening night cake and drink, meant disaster.
And so.... the end of my January was totally Chubbchubb indulgent, and enjoyable. But it was also fatty nonsense and sleeplessness. Not a good combo....

Its very disheartening to mark the end of my first month this way... usually, by now I would have become frustrated and given up. But then I think... "hey, its only the first month." I have like 17 months left... alotta weeks to do worse than this.

On the upside, my play is going very well. I have two brilliant actresses playing eight rambunctious characters, and we all got through opening weekend. *phew*

Still looking for a workout partner.... any takers? Let me know...

Love you all, my fellow ChubbChubbs. Remember, good food is delish, but good living is sweeter.

No running!!! (or reasons i dont move more)

Hello World.

Sorry I've been absentee these past few days. Monday was MLK Jr. Day, and being a holiday. It threw me off entirely. Anyway, here I am ready to report. And what do I have to say for myself in the three day interim; actually, not much. I behaved myself pretty well: Six meals and such, a sprinkle of extras. There wasn’t too much bad behavior. However, I’m back to having to remember to fidget. Ugh…. If you are not a natural-born fidgeter, trying to become one is almost painful. And I’m not. I am truly a sedentary person. I believe in being still with all my heart. Meditation, deep breathing, sunbathing… I’m just sedentary. I am trying though.

This brings me to my next hurdle. I am pretty regular in the food department by now. As you can probably imagine, I am very in love with my routine of mini plastic containers. The next challenge in this new healthy me is moving; namely that E word. You know what I am referring to… Exercise. Now, Chubb Chubb that I am, running is not my favorite activity. However, I am a lot stronger than most people would assume, mostly in the legs and trunk department.

Yes… underneath my cute pudgy belly lies a lot of abdomen muscle. Don’t laugh. I mean it.

I am a very strongly built person. Let’s look at the history shall we? Growing up, there weren’t a lot of boys in the family. So I did a lot of trash hauling and furniture moving. Especially furniture moving…. I was obsessed with moving my bedroom around every season. (Fashionista in the making!) And I never wanted to wait until my mother felt like helping me. So little Me would push whole dressers and lift bed frames. Did I mention that in my resilience and defiance, I was pushing dressers that still had drawers in them? I also played football as a child, and played with little neighborhood boys. Which involved that dreaded activity- running. In my teen years I did a lot of African Dance too. Trunk and legs people… I have a lot of muscle in my trunk and legs. (hmm… Im rather disliking my use of the word “trunk”. Sounds like an elephant.) In college I did work out moderately. I even worked out with friends, which they recommend. In strength and flexibility exercises, my friends were always amazed. It’s that cardio mess I couldn’t stand.

No running, remember?

So… I have a cardio problem. Except…. I love dancing. Love, love, love it. If there’s music on, I almost absolutely can keep moving forever. Well…. Longer than I can run anyway. Running is boring. It’s absolutely boring.

I sound like a broken record.

I think you get the picture. I hate to run. I will try not to mention it again. (hate it!)

Anyway, the point is that I need to get some more cardio in my life. Fidgeting does burn calories, but it can’t compete with my lifestyle the way a good sweat session can. The problem is that in the course of my day, I never seem to have enough time or energy to make that happen. And I don’t mean that I am one of those people making weird excuses. I don’t mean time/energy simultaneously. I mean them quite apart. Sometimes there are certainly thirty minute stretches or longer that I could put to good aerobic use. But a lot of the time when it happens, I am drained. Emotionally, physically, drained. But the Catch 22 is that if I move, I would have more energy. Ain’t that a biscuit …

And when I try to work out at home, I get so very bored. BOOOORED. I get bored a lot at home. Not a conducive environment for motivating minds. If you lived in my neighborhood, you would understand.

So… here are the types of circumstances that lead to me having a good workout

1)      Having a partner: I stay motivated so much more when there’s another person around. And it keeps me from being.. (scary theme music) BORED

2)      Music: If there is some kind of rhythm or beat involved, I am good to go! Even if it’s not dancing. My body just wants a rhythm.

3)      Good clothing: I used to hate working out with those little skinny Nike Divas. You know the kind… they wear head to toe Nike athletic gear and never break a sweat? Hated them…. Like… who uses workout clothes to make a statement? But I kinda understand it now. I’m not a Nike Diva (mainly because I have a long torso and those little shirts never cover my belly). But I do believe in wearing clothing im not ashamed to be in. Im more likely to work out!

4)      Set time: When I exercise on a schedule, I am more likely to stick to that schedule. I don’t like unorganized days. I DO like days with nothing to do… leaves space for adventure. But I don’t like days where I have things to do, just in no particular order.

These are my qualifications. Without them, I may occasionally exercise, but it doesn’t stick very well. So, I am going to try to find that here in my city. It’s not a small city, so it shouldn’t be hard.. Or so you think. I already know I am going to have to leave my neighborhood. Women around here are not overly concerned with working out. And men are all concerned with lifting weights. (trying to prove something, sir?)

scaaaaary...

Ugh….Certainly not trying to look like that... So... Journey ahead…. Got to find a workout buddy. That’s the first step, and the hardest. I wish I could do it with my mom, but she seems so busy these days. Our schedules don’t mesh very well.

Ah well. I will find something, I suppose.

If you have any helpful tips, feel free to offer them up!

I love hearing from you all.

Love you all, my fellow Chubb Chubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!

Demons in my Cupcake

Greetings!

My last post I ended on a sour note... Something I just dont want to talk about.... The Demons in my cupcake....

Sounds like an episode of Family Guy....  Like maybe Peter discovers a magical box of cupcakes that grant him wishes every time he eats one, but these wishes later go horribly wrong (akin to the Monkey Paw short story of classic literature.)and by the end of the episode everyone's soul is trapped in a cupcake to be eaten by the next victim....

sheesh... I need a hobby.... who thinks of this stuff?

Anyway... Im not really talking about something as tangible as an evil spirit lurking under the sprinkles and frosting. I'm talking about the Devil called Emotional Eating and his minions: Sugar and Flour....

Cupcakes are as good a place to put the blame as any... Who doesn't love cupcakes? And you'd never suspect them to be evil. They look so cute and tempting. Don't they?

I know they're cute to me. Little pops of sugar and pleasantry. We use them to say all sorts of things. "Happy Birthday." "I Love you." "Congratulations." The list is long. We see them as little symbols of self-indulgence. Prizes for a job well done.

My problem is that cupcakes... cookies, pies, cakes, candy bars. They are congratulating me more and more often than I probably deserve. Actually, my indulgent sugary habits aren't just congratulating me, They comfort me in my time of despair. They entertain me when I'm bored.

Food is a place to hide from, or feed those unhealthy emotions I hide from. Yup… Mr. Devil... aka Devil’s Food Cake.

Emotional eating is not a new concept. It’s ancient in the study of psychology. Actually in 2010, people are going so far as to discuss something called “Food Addiction.” That’s what Emotional Eating turned into at boot camp: The HULK of food problems. So, explaining what emotional eating is to you is not going to be very enlightening at this point. And the point is to enlighten the masses and illuminate the hidden.

That was kind of poetic…..

Anyway, I will tell you what happens when I succumb to my food demons. It all starts with a thought. See, I have clinical depression. The serotonin in my brain isn’t enough, and what little I do make isn’t quite absorbed properly by my brain. Now, my being overweight may be a contributing factor to this serotonin production problem. But ironically enough, my depression can lead to my weight problems. Catch 22. (It’s a book, and a paradox problem. Go read, people!)

So my issues start in my head. I could be having a perfectly normal day. Wake up, brush teeth, shower, eat, etc. The problems start usually when I want to plan my day. There’s this part of me that LOVES lists and organization. And there’s this part of me (the imbalance from my depression) that has a serious problem processing certain thoughts. Usually it’s the linear, methodical, processing thoughts that just kill me. The analytical, abstract, future-telling thoughts are awesome! It might also have something to do with the fact that I am left-handed, right-brained. I’m creative as a whip. But I have issues with trusting my ability to accurately make the distinctive choices that are most productive. I’m paralyzed by a fear of not being productive, or not being correct, which again, causes me sample irony. My fear of not being productive keeps me from making a decision, which of course, isn’t productive. So… after all this time, I sort of make a schedule that I am mostly ok with. But there’s the nagging fear that it’s not enough- I could be doing more. I have a family history of doing the most, you see. In college I was obsessed with doing a lot. I even had complete burn out a couple of times. I was constantly involved in at least three different projects or organizations. I wanted to do everything. I was interested in everything.

This is one of the Demons: Accomplishment acknowledgement. I am never quite content with what I am doing. I am always focused on what else I could be doing. While this has benefits (ambition, drive, an interesting resume, exposure), it also teeters dangerously on the edge of never thinking I am good enough, or doing great things. It’s like racing yourself, and never acknowledging that you can’t really lose. In my mind I’m always too slow.

It’s not too hard to understand how I could feel this way. I am twenty three years old. What do I do for a living? I am an active, working thespian, for one. I am also a Program Advisor for a pilot enrichment program called the Freedom Leadership Academy. (They have a blog too. Check it out- http://www.freeleadacademy.wordpress.com/)

This sounds relatively cool right? And it is. I absolutely adore my job. But it’s the “other” factors that are driving me crazy. I don’t have a car, I live with my parent, and I have to scrape to get by sometimes. How accomplished can I feel when I have to walk an hour in the snow because I have no wheels?

I am not complaining. I’m acknowledging, and explaining how sometimes I can knock myself mentally, despite accomplishments that some would find admirable. But when you read about 20 year olds starting million dollar businesses, or creating global charity projects… Oh man…. I don’t size up too well.

This is all the stuff that goes on in my head when I am staring at some processed sugary fluff, contemplating scarfing it down in one bite. I want the rush, you see. I want the sugars and the chemicals that create mock happiness. I want the buzz of energy, the mini pick-me-up. I also want to have one thing that I can control. My eating. See… the cupcake won’t fail me. It will give me exactly what I want. It also has no expectations of me. Sweets in general are just there to love and love and love, although it’s a toxic love that ultimately goes nowhere good.

And as I write this, I realize there’s another Demon lurking underneath even THIS admittance. I eat the sweets because I want to fail. Failing is easier than trying to succeeding. The truth is: SUCCESS IS WON THROUGH TEARS AND SWEAT AND BLOOD AND PAIN! We all know this, somewhere in our minds. But those of us, who still eat the cupcake, are the ones who don’t have the courage to try to succeed. It’s a lot of effort and trying and hoping. But being the true pessimist that most depression-sufferers are… I don’t really have faith that all the trying will lead to success. In this lack of faith, is the option to fail now, without trying, rather than fail later after trying. Failing later can send a message to the world that, yes, while I had the heart, and the determination, I was not really good enough. Failing now, leaves the narrow possibility of “if I wanted to, I probably could.”

I think most emotional eaters would rather not find out if they really are good enough or not, to succeed at their dreams. So we eat. And eat. And eat. And eat.

And all of this still probably sounds preposterous to people that know me. You see, underneath my depression, I am a happy girl. My depression happens in “bouts” or attacks, like asthma, or seizures. It’s not all the time. Sometimes I can pass by the cupcake for the trail mix. Or the mini-cupcake is followed by a three mile jog/walk. (I don’t run… jogging maybe. But no running.) In these moments, I really do have a better perspective. I can look at my circumstances and see how much I have been able to accomplish, considering all the odds against me, instead of looking at what I haven’t done compared to people who have circumstances that I know nothing about. Underneath my depression is the spirit of a truly amazing girl who loves life.

But like I said... it all starts with a thought....

Sharing this with you all is a step though. I think it will be easier to conquer my demons if I drag them kicking and screaming, out of the shadows and into the light where everyone can see them. Without a place to hide, they will have to fight. To the death...

ha... death by cupcake demon....    I dont THINK so, lil flour fluff... Maybe not today, but I plan to beat you one day...

well.. that's enough for today. Another food demon another day....

thanks for your support.

Love you all, my fellow Chubb Chubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!

Food... How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

So… how is this food thing going? Remember the cheat day I give myself every week? Well… the first week was a week full of cheats.. which of course, is no bueno! But its restrospectively funny. I mean, I fell flat on my face in failure to avoid sugary snacks. But let me explain: I live with my mother and grandmother.

What? It’s a recession…. don’t act like that…. are you struggling to pay your rent? Oh you are? Oh ok… well… then who is foolish?

Anyway, my family’s diet is a little more processed than mine. So they are apt to bring home sugary goodness. And my poor willpower just walks out the door. The first week also happened to be the New Year week, and my mother’s birthday week. I just had to have one cookie… which turned into four more…. in three hours. Same goes for the powdered donuts that I tried to ignore with all my might. But then the milk starts to hum and the donuts and cookies belt out the sweetest love song you have ever heard…. beckoning… calling… playing a sultry siren song. Before you know it, several cookies and donuts are gone and you’re ashamed of yourself…. Yes it’s funny. Yes it’s also sad.

The second week isn’t so bad, so far…. I’ve been staying on track a lot more, with only a few aberrations. I added a line to my chart called “extras” just for such occasions. It’s not as bad as I think usually. But only as long as I am completely honest about what I eat. That part is difficult. If I was good at being honest with myself when it came to food, I wouldn’t have consumed whole medium pizzas so often in college. (minus the obligatory 3 or 4 slices you share with friends in your dorm). Eeww… I cant even believe I ate that way.

I’m a foodie. I love food. And not just in the fast-food industry fatty sugary goodness way. I love trying new flavors. I like exotic foreign foods. I like texture, and aroma and color. I love food! But food doesn’t love me…. I prefer to say that my fat cells are highly allergic to food and liable to swell up. Yeah… that sounds a lot less like its really my fault.

As for my line of “extras”.. I have added a new factor to my process: fidgeting. Yep. That annoying thing the guy in the cubicle next to you does with his pencil. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. I’ve decided to actively become a fidgeter. It burns a lot of calories. Im on a mission to never be still if I can help it. Truthfully, after two days of fidgeting I am actually rather sore.

Go figure… But its not a natural process for me, so we will see how it goes.

On a high note. I rediscovered another pair of skinny jeans (where DO these clothes manage to hide themselves? who magically discovers clothes in their house?) These gems fit grandly. I’m wearing them now actually. Chubb Chubb Diva moment! LOVE finding great fashion pieces that fit me! (even if I didn’t technically find them because I already owned them.)

Amidst all this literary foolishness, there is a point. I am very much in love with food. I mean.. unconditionally. The good. The Bad. And the Trans Fat. I love it all. And it's this love that I need to sort of abandon if I hope to get healthier. For example... Hostess cupcakes will never love me back. Not ever. Not even once. (oh man... is this relationship advice). So as much as Hostess has that great cream filling... I need to let it go. Or atleast limit interactions to facebook wall posts one a month... wait.. I mean....

Cupcakes, old girl.... we are discussing cupcakes....

Yeah. I need to consume them less. Or be willing to run them off. (I dont run) Because the Hostess love affair is going to land me in the hospital.

In an attempt to just wean myself off of sweets, I failed horribly. Guess I'm not a cold-turkey kind of girl. So moderation and substitution is the plan for now.

If anyone out there is reading this, please understand.... failure will happen. It's happening to me... right now. But failure isn't about quitting. It's about learning one's limitations and motivations. I have no problem eating healthy food. I love healthy food. I adore wheatgrass juice, and think raw veggies are the fountain of eternal youth. But I also have strong compulsions when it comes to glucose, fructose, and sucralose. It sucks sometimes. It truly does. But like my Just 10 bracelet is supposed to remind me... i'm worth it.

So what's the plan? Well.... this is the difficult part. I have to come to terms with my demons. I have to figure out the "why" of my extra snacking.... but thats a post for next time.

Love you all, my fellow Chubb Chubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!

Got to have a Plan!!!

Ok... so here's a breakdown of my diet format these days....

BIG STEP: I eat 6x a day. This is as of January 4th... so my body is still adjusting. Although eating "more" sounded like some kind of conspiracy... It really works. but you have to read the "fine print". Eating more means eating more often. Not bigger. So if you can normally wolf down a Big Mac and fries like a food-eating champ.... it doesnt mean more Big Macs. It means eat half a Big Mac now.... and half in two hours. Yea... the fun is fading now, isnt it?

The whole thing sounded difficult to a busy person like me... But I am a Virgo. So I love any excuse to make lists and get organized. I bought 3 snack bowls and 2 portable meal containers. Everything I bought was already sized pretty appropriately so my proportions stay reasonable. It also gives me no excuse to eat out at fast food, or succumb to greasy nasty foods, when my meals can go with me.

Now... I mentioned in my first post that I have a sugar addiction. Let's think about that for a second. Im not going to make it if I have to eat veggies day in and day out all day. So, once a week, I give myself a cheat day. During that day I can have a snack or two of sweety delish sugary goodness. Mmm... transfat..... (I never said I was a pro)... I also keep a gallon of iced-green tea. Its a nice drink alternative to water, and you know what they say about all those anti-oxidants!

Generally I eat chicken, salmon, and turkey. I think pork is the Devil's meat. I can't stand it! the few times in the past decade that I have somehow been tricked into eating swine, my stomach goes on hiatus for about three days. Pain like you've never seen. I hardly eat beef. Usually, beef that I consume is in the form of burgers. ie, already partially processed. I love vegetables. Love them. Especially broccoli and spinach.

I’d like to take the time to point out that while some of you readers may be frowning, or think to themselves that I’ve brainwashed myself into liking these particular veggies, you would be highly mistaken. I have always, always loved certain veggies; even as a kid. For the purpose of getting my body in order, however, I stick to stir fry or steamed veggies mostly. It’s quick, and its easy. A few days ago. I slipped a sweet potato into the mix. Baked in the oven… I forgot how filling those things are!

The hardest part of this eating journey is the boredom. When I get bored, or emotional…. or bored and emotional (usually when thinking about my lacking love life. Ha!) I tend to snack. And that’s not even including the random sugar cravings. But my goal is to substitute these mindless cravings with water. I also read a trick once where if you eat something sour or bitter, you wont go for the sugar because it wont taste sweet anymore. We will see if that works….. I highly doubt it. Me and sugar have a longstanding relationship.

Monday through Friday, I watch Dr. Oz. Yes… I am a Dr. Oz fan. Even as I write this, I feel excited about the free “Just 10” band from Zappos that just came in the mail. They accidentally sent me two so I gave one to my grandmother. It’s a wristband that serves to remind me that I matter, and I’m worth it. Just 10 pounds can make a difference. We will see if it works. It was pretty good yesterday when my actresses pulled out every sugary/salty snack ever made. I’m directing a play by the way. Theater is sort of my career. Mostly. ;)

I also have a chart that goes B(breakfast), S(snack), L(lunch), S,S, D(dinner). There’s a line for each letter, and I journal my meals. The journaling thing is not as bad as I thought. I am really not a daily/consistent person when it comes to writing. Seriously. I don’t know what made me think to blog about this… ha. Keep the faith I guess.

Love you all, my fellow Chubb Chubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!

The Beginning

I dont want you to get the wrong impression. I love being me.... mostly. And I am certainly what I call a "chubb chubb." This is not about bashing or making fun of people's sizes. I will probably always be a little bit chubby. But I think it makes me cute. What is a Chubb Chubb? One of the proud and fortunate few who carry a little extra weight, and keep it moving. Chubb Chubbs arent ashamed, sitting in the corner like wallflowers... We are unabashedly proud to be the social butterfly, sitting in the middle of the crowd, getting all the attention.







However.... chubby or not... I need to get my health in order. So.... I've decided to write a blog about this weight-loss thing. Who Am I? No... i am not some health and fitness guru. Although as much as I nag my friends about fried food and pork, they probably think I am.

I don't have any crazy medical miracles when it come to weight loss. I'm a moderately healthy American who is also overweight with a sugar addiction.... Laughing yet? If so... that's probably because this sounds familiar. Very familiar..

I’m 5’6” and I weigh in at approximately 230-235lbs. Yeah… But I’m Black, so I look like I’m about 180.

What is that about you ask? Oh… well…. I learned that physiologically, most Black people are generally denser. Muscles. Bone, etc. We even carry our fat differently (and I don’t mean the stereotypically popular Black Booty.) This means that a white girl with my height and weight might look much bigger, or less toned than I do.

So-obviously this blog wont be about scale numbers. Inches maybe…. But not numbers. Why? Because I plan to succeed in getting healthier. And that means losing fat. Inches matter more than pounds when you are talking about fat.
And while we’re talking success… (well… I’m talking… you’re reading….)I am giving myself until the end of august 2012… My 25th birthday, to get my body in order. It’s January… 2011… so… we are looking at an estimated 18 and a half months. I want to lose this belly fat, so I can reduce my risk of getting diabetes, lower my blood pressure, build up my cardio endurance, and strengthen some muscles groups.

Yup. I got a target. You got to have a target. And I’m gonna document it for all the people out there who think their own weight loss is undoable, or think the solution can be found in a pill. I’m putting it all out there; the triumphs, the failures (I’m sure there will be a lot of those), the discoveries, and the tried and true methods that just work. I hope to become a daily blogger, but honestly… I’m a busy girl. So I hope you, my dear reader, are ready for the journey. Because truthfully, I’ve had enough of just wanting better. I'm ready to DO better….

Love you all, my fellow Chubb Chubbs. Remember... good food is delish, but good living is sweeter!